backtracking

When I created the blog I knew there were things that had already happened this fall and winter that I wanted to write about, so a lot of backtracking would be required. This turned out to be a less inspiring task than I originally thought.... but the longer I wait, the worse it gets. At this rate, I'll be writing a retrospective of my winter sometime around mid-July. So, here goes...

what's this?

Late fall and winter are always a struggle for me. Summer is busy and productive and it demands my full attention--long days, bare knees, a stunning abundance of life. Time is lazy, it stretches out like a cat in that long summer sunshine. But as the days grow shorter, I am filled with a sense of urgency, as if time were running out. Sometimes, that darkness that settles in so abruptly before 5 o'clock overwhelms me with an unnamed sadness.

My anxiety and depression are always more severe this time of the year. It is easy to fall into an awful cycle of stagnation--doing nothing, feeling terrible about it, yet never quite wanting to move. I think my body tries to hibernate. Some deep instincts are screaming: it's cold, it's dark, you really don't want anything to do with this. This is my weary season.

But I'm still doing a lot, and a lot of it is wonderful. It's too easy to forget that.

I'm not one for personal blogs, at all, but I thought it would be okay just once. This is a space to share what I'm up to... but it's mostly a reminder for myself that life is still really beautiful, even when the sun sets too early.